Thursday, October 12, 2006

Growing Up?

I am so excited about graduating in May. I'm so excited that I have a day-by-day countdown to the "big day." I'm so excited that I'm forgetting the details of life after graduation. The closer we get to the "big day" the more I am asked "What are you going to do after you graduate?" I usually laugh and answer, "Become a housewife and have three kids."

In the past few days, reality has caught up with me. Details about life after graduation are starting to emerge, and I'm faced with really thinking seriously about these details and contemplating them more.

My first hit of reality was when Holly started talking about moving to Seattle at graduation. Although it's unofficial, Holly is probably going to get a job in Seattle and move there next summer. This is great for her, because she really wants to work for this company, and even more, she really wants to live in Seattle. She loves that city. This makes me happy for her, but at the same time I was struck with this bolt of sadness. For the last 4+ years, Holly has always been near. If she wasn't in Socorro with me, she was in Cruces. I can hardly remember life without Holly near, and to think that she is going to be moving away...far away... It's really sad.

Then there is the big big question "What are you going to do after graduation." Well, I hope to have a job. That much I know for sure. I had a job offer from SAIC the other day, and I'm waiting to hear from them to see if it all pans out. If it does, than there is a possibility of working for SAIC after graduation. But then there is grad school. I found this awesome graduate program at UNM that I am really interested in. It's a Masters of Arts in Organizational Leartning and Instructional Technology. Say that five times fast. What's even better about the program is that it's designed for the career person in mind, so pretty much all of the program's classes are held in the evenings or on the weekends. This program would allow me to work and go to school.

Then there is the shift in life. At the moment, I'm living a dual life. In Albuquerque, I'm the wife; in Socorro, I'm the college student. After May, the college student will not longer exist. Sure, I may go to grad school, but the way that I live my life in Socorro will cease to exist - I won't be able to call into work because I have too much homework or need to study for a test; I won't be surrounded by friends 24/7; and staying at friends house until 3 or 4 in the morning working on homework probably won't happen anymore either. Furthermore, since I won't be surrounded by friends, my friendships will take more effort to keep. Lee, Scuba, Jess and Jamison will no longer be down the street. Jen and Holly will no longer be down the hall. Since I'll be living in Albuquerque, it'll take me more than five minutes to get to a friend's house. The simplicity of Socorro will not be there anymore.

So, as much as I'm excited to graduate in May,I've realized that I need to step back and soak in my last days as a college student. Never in my life will I live the way that I'm living now. Even though I may go to graduate school, that expereince will not be the same and the undergraduate experience. As exciting as life gets when change come about, it sometimes is really sad and scary. My life is going to change completely in May ...am I ready?

~Carmelita

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